Sunday night the weather is glorious and the smell of alcohol ink is in the air! The past 4 days have been spent in repair mode after the 5 day push last week. I have consistently been sleeping 12 hours, but I have been going to sleep and staying asleep so it has been much better. It is amazing how letting go and not getting hung up on what you should be doing eases your mind at bedtime. I have also been taking a nap each day so I guess the symposium and testing was harder on me than I realized. Today was the first day that I felt like walking this week, 2 nights of yoga was enough extracurricular activity. My activity with Louise, the weather, prayer and personal work have eased the depression to barely negligible. I even did okay with Kat spending 3 days cleaning the shop, I worked inside on the taxes and got them ready to submit. It was probably a good thing I didn’t go out before yesterday. I went out to help for about 3 hours at the end and wore myself out. After the group left I could not move or keep my eyes open so I took a nap at 4 and still went to bed by 10:30.
Amy, Keoni and the crowd surprised us with lunch from Fire House and a birthday party for our great niece Baylie. She doesn’t turn 3 until February 28th but she wanted to make sure that she celebrated with Grandma and Grandpa and we were blessed to be included. We sat outside on the patio and enjoyed a beautiful day. The only downside was when Baylie’s 5 year old sister Rylie wanted to go out to the shop and turn tops. They spent a day with Kat and I about a year ago and we spent the day in the shop turning tops and making wooden boats. I had to tell her next visit but we did get out the tops and had spinning competitions to her delight.
Happy Birthday To Me!
Today we got up with aspirations of attacking the world with gusto but settled for another quiet day at home together. Kathy worked on her alcohol ink class and homework and I went out for a long walk. I was so struck by the colors and flowers and how fast that they are showing up – God’s palate!
We had an excellent steak dinner and enjoyed a nap together. I am consistently amazed at my life when I do the things that I am supposed to do. Of course you have to trust God, set aside your ego, try and help others and take particularly good care of yourself – and we can all read through the history to see how well I do with that…LOL The good news is that I seem to be getting there more quickly anymore. They keep telling me “Progress not Perfection” and it is starting to maybe sink in.
LESSON OF THE DAY -Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it. Charles R. Swindoll
I know, I know where the HELL have I been??? Dancing with angels that’s where! What a great week – thank you for helping me get here. Thursday I saw my therapist, who to my dismay just got done with her round of cancer treatment. Talk about being able to empathize and help me out. Again it is miraculous what God puts in my life when I get out of the way and ask for help. I had not seen Louise in a year and a half and it was like we never missed a beat and I came away recharged. Of course she wanted to see me again yesterday – but I had improved enough that she unchained me for 3 weeks. After I left her office Thursday I picked up Sydney and Finn and delivered them to my nephew and niece Will and Jessa so we could go to the Symposium. Friday morning Kat and I were on the road by 8:30am for our next big adventure. We drove to Lake Yale Baptist Center for the Florida Woodturning
Symposium and my 1st venture into the world. Lake Yale is in the Eustis, FL area and is a beautiful drive 21/2 hours away from Jacksonville. I’ll be honest and tell you that I was scared to death but excited at the same time, but I had a plan to escape to a quiet place if I needed to and was surrounded by understanding and supportive friends so that fear had melted by the time that we finished lunch. There were 250 turners, and 8 rotations of classes in which you got to choose one of 4 to see. So I saw 8 different national and local turners who came to share their projects and techniques. It is an awesome opportunity to learn. There is also a Vendor area to see and buy all the new and trusted goodies available and two evening programs. The attendees are encouraged to bring finished work for the instant gallery to share with the participants. Friday night we had a critique of the instant gallery by the nationals and a drawing for a 6 $250 shopping sprees with the
vendors and I won one of the shopping sprees! OK I’ll wrap up the symposium with one story. Kat and I shared a room with our friend Tina, because she is so kind and the 3 of us have a freaking blast together. Friday night we all settled in for quick nights sleep and 1st off a previous occupant had set the alarm and it went off about 1:30 in the morning. I was slapping the clock radio turning on the radio and finally got it off, then Tina spit out her snore guard and poor Kat was up all night while Tina and I slept like bricks. After a grumpy Kat start to the day I got some earplugs for her from a friend who is a vendor, Paula, and Kathy slept like a baby Saturday night. For as much as I was worried I made it each day until midnight and was up at 6:15. Now I won’t tell you that I was not worn out – We got home about 3:30 on Sunday and I was asleep on the couch by 4, but It really gave me the confidence that I am capable of pushing it if I need to.
This week hasn’t been any better. Monday I had to be at UF at 9am for a blood test and you know how that goes. I showed up and signed in then parked it in the waiting room until it was my turn to register. After I settled in and handed the woman my ID and insurance card she quickly apologized and told me because of my insurance I had to go to LabCorp and oh and you need to go to the Proton Therapy Center to get your orders so they can do the draw. It was alright, but I felt sorry for the tech who had to stick me 3 times to find a vein. Next was running by Jan’s to pick up Sydney and home for a nap before we headed out to the Woodturners meeting. Kat was our demonstrator sharing how she makes her amazing rain-stick.
Tuesday was a 9am meeting for my CT scan and PET scan. These are the 2 tests that will show us if we got the cancer. They get read on the 27th at 10am and I am a little nervous but like Kat said to me -“If we didn’t get it we will go at it again.” (Easy for her to say!) They took about 3 hours and I was back home to eat and catch a nap before an appointment with Louise and yoga. Today I slept until noon and took a nap at 3, I just couldn’t go anymore. But today it was okay. I could take solace in the fact that I knew it was time to lay down and I don’t feel bad about the need to do it. I asked God for the willingness to face my fears, held my breath and took the plunge. It helped that I was surrounded by people to watch me and give me guidance and I will not do it every week……..yet, but damn I’m a lot more confident and secure than I was. Tonight my beautiful bride and I went out for dinner to celebrate Valentines Day. I really love this woman it was so nice to spend the evening with each other, as a matter of fact this week has been amazing. We have shared our versions of the journey and I have been able to walk her through my feelings as they occurred.
So tonight I sit ready to retire with my confidence back, my mood better than it has been in weeks and not constricted by my perceived limitations. Life is good and I am blessed by God, friends and a wonderful life – what more could I ask for. Happy Valentines Day my friends, good night.
LESSON OF THE DAY – “We should not judge people by the peak of their excellence; but by the distance they have traveled from the point where they started.”
It’s 1:30 in the morning and I know that it is supposed to be a busy day tomorrow so put down the book and roll over. 1:45 “I’ve had the time of my life” plays in my subconscious and I am worrying whether to go to the shop or work on the taxes tomorrow. Shut up Don and go to sleep – just clear your mid and relax. 2:30 I really need to pee, but I can do that when I wake up later, I’ve had the time of my life, stop it with the damn song. Where did I get that? Oh yeah the damn Superbowl commercial. Go to sleep -3:00 are you really going to read again – it’s 3:00 o’clock and you will probably wake Kat – oh what the hell. 3:30 turn off the book and go to sleep. 6:15 Kat’s alarm goes off – I wish she didn’t have to go to work. 7:15 wake up to her getting dressed – I’m such a slug she doesn’t want to go anymore than you want to get up. 9:00 crap I feel like shit but I really need to get up and get on with it – well just pull the covers over your head to block the light and roll over until 10. 1:30 dammit I can’t believe you slept this late again get your lazy ass up and get at it. 2:00 dressed and through the routine take Finn out and fix breakfast the get to your email. 2:45 take your walk with Finn. 3:15 lunch while you make some phone calls. 3:45 taxes I have all day tomorrow to get to the shop -hahahahahahaha. 4:15 crap it’s already time to take a shower and get to yoga. You know that you could miss it tonight but that would be really giving in plus Trisha counts on you to get the room set up and God knows you aren’t getting anything else done. Shit it’s 4:30 get in the shower. 4:50 in the truck and off to San Marco call Tina on the way. 5:35 Arrive and start setting up – put on positive happy face to encourage others and let them know how “good” you are doing. 7:10 head home thinking about all you didn’t get done today what a complete slug you are – how the hell are you going to make it through the Symposium this weekend? 7:50 arrive home and starting to get worn out. Eat dinner that Kat brought home along with the grocery shopping – you lazy ass what did you do today? Phone calls from my brother and nephew while I’m eating and watching Kat relax from her 12 hour day before starting her Alcohol Ink online class. Go to the couch and check the message board to see if anybody else is going through this. You really are depressed Don it sure is a good thing that you made an appointment with Louise for Thursday. Wait dummy you just said it you are depressed and in a rut, I know but I’ve talked about it on the blog and made a post on the discussion board isn’t that it? No dummy remember relief = problem+prayer+action+time not relief = admitting. Okay so you have identified the problem what are you doing about it? You did make the appointment, you discussed it with your peers, you admitted it to Kat, you have started to get outside walking, you are practicing yoga. You are working on the taxes and have talked to the people who need work done and God knows you are praying for the willingness – so how about a break and let the action start to work superman? You know you are right dummy ease up on yourself. 11:00 brush teeth and get in bed, 11:45 turn off book, 9:45 get up.
Today Finn and I got in a walk, then I made some real tax progress and did not once call myself a slug or lazy ass. I have eaten 3 meals and a snack and I made some appointments – Guess what? I feel pretty good about myself. Yes I’m still depressed but I don’t have to feed into it. Some of us are blessed with depression and God knows I come from a gene pool that is swimming with it but I have people to talk to, a God to pray to, someone to hold me when I get down and a place to tell on myself. Just because you are depressed you have options once you realize it and get some help. God knows that I am not perfect, but I’m trying and that I know pleases Him and helps me. My prayer is still to give me the willingness to walk with grace through this process so that my successes will show others Your power to hold and heal if I truly have faith in your plan and do my absolute best to try and follow the instructions provided by those you put in my path to help me.
LESSON OF THE DAY – I can do all things through Christ who strengtheneth me. Philippians 4:13