Hey guys! I hope that it was a good day for you, I am quickly realizing that this is a game of ups and downs. Today was not especially a good day. I woke up about 4am and and lounged in bed reading and dozing until about 8, when I finally got up and fixed my breakfast protein smoothie. I have a table I am working on and I got dressed and put a coat of stain on it before I went to radiation at 1:50. That way I could put a second on it when I came home. So after forcing down lunch, macaroni and cheese and hummus, I decided to get cleaned up and lay on the couch to catch the news. Not such a good a plan! I awoke at 2:10 and had to call Hanna to let her know that I was late for a second time this week. It all worked out because there was another
patient who got done with his doctor appointment early and she switched us. Well that didn’t stop the sleepy head jokes when I got there….I got plenty of good-natured kidding from everyone. On they way home I stopped by the store and did get the second coat on the top before I collapsed on the couch.
Expectations are going to have to become a thing of the past if I am going to get through this with my sanity. I am going to have re-adopt a real “one moment at a time” attitude. Today my expectations were to get that table finished, not just stained, go to my appointment, run by the bank and the store then come home to turn some acorns, before i went to yoga and writing to you. As you can clearly see that was a pipe dream. I have to go back again to early sobriety where my job was to don’t drink, call my sponsor, go to a meeting and perform necessary functions. I have to switch my expectations to taking my medication and treatments, consuming calories and taking care of myself, then anything else. I cleared my calendar for a reason. The problem is admitting I need help….EGO, letting go of the idea that I am not enough. It seems that this would be an easy thing with all the love, support and offers that I get everyday from people who are happy to do it. It’s admitting that I am sick and that I need help and being okay with that. Peter and I had a discussion on the phone this morning about what really is humility? It is defined;humble;
Tomorrow I am scheduled for 2 radiation treatments, one at 8am and one at 3pm, come home and ice down my neck and apply aloe vera, consume 2000 calories of high protein food and rest if I need to. That is my job, anything else is gravy! When Bernard and Susie get here if I don’t feel good I can spend a few moments and get some hugs then go to bed and let them enjoy time with Kat…..It will be okay – they love me and understand.
LESSON OF THE DAY – Remember that you are not defined by what you get done. Let go of your stinking ego and ask for help if you need it. My only job is to get well.