It’s 1:30 in the morning and I know that it is supposed to be a busy day tomorrow so put down the book and roll over. 1:45 “I’ve had the time of my life” plays in my subconscious and I am worrying whether to go to the shop or work on the taxes tomorrow. Shut up Don and go to sleep – just clear your mid and relax. 2:30 I really need to pee, but I can do that when I wake up later, I’ve had the time of my life, stop it with the damn song. Where did I get that? Oh yeah the damn Superbowl commercial. Go to sleep -3:00 are you really going to read again – it’s 3:00 o’clock and you will probably wake Kat – oh what the hell. 3:30 turn off the book and go to sleep. 6:15 Kat’s alarm goes off – I wish she didn’t have to go to work. 7:15 wake up to her getting dressed – I’m such a slug she doesn’t want to go anymore than you want to get up. 9:00 crap I feel like shit but I really need to get up and get on with it – well just pull the covers over your head to block the light and roll over until 10. 1:30 dammit I can’t believe you slept this late again get your lazy ass up and get at it. 2:00 dressed and through the routine take Finn out and fix breakfast the get to your email. 2:45 take your walk with Finn. 3:15 lunch while you make some phone calls. 3:45 taxes I have all day tomorrow to get to the shop -hahahahahahaha. 4:15 crap it’s already time to take a shower and get to yoga. You know that you could miss it tonight but that would be really giving in plus Trisha counts on you to get the room set up and God knows you aren’t getting anything else done. Shit it’s 4:30 get in the shower. 4:50 in the truck and off to San Marco call Tina on the way. 5:35 Arrive and start setting up – put on positive happy face to encourage others and let them know how “good” you are doing. 7:10 head home thinking about all you didn’t get done today what a complete slug you are – how the hell are you going to make it through the Symposium this weekend? 7:50 arrive home and starting to get worn out. Eat dinner that Kat brought home along with the grocery shopping – you lazy ass what did you do today? Phone calls from my brother and nephew while I’m eating and watching Kat relax from her 12 hour day before starting her Alcohol Ink online class. Go to the couch and check the message board to see if anybody else is going through this. You really are depressed Don it sure is a good thing that you made an appointment with Louise for Thursday. Wait dummy you just said it you are depressed and in a rut, I know but I’ve talked about it on the blog and made a post on the discussion board isn’t that it? No dummy remember relief = problem+prayer+action+time not relief = admitting. Okay so you have identified the problem what are you doing about it? You did make the appointment, you discussed it with your peers, you admitted it to Kat, you have started to get outside walking, you are practicing yoga. You are working on the taxes and have talked to the people who need work done and God knows you are praying for the willingness – so how about a break and let the action start to work superman? You know you are right dummy ease up on yourself. 11:00 brush teeth and get in bed, 11:45 turn off book, 9:45 get up.
Today Finn and I got in a walk, then I made some real tax progress and did not once call myself a slug or lazy ass. I have eaten 3 meals and a snack and I made some appointments – Guess what? I feel pretty good about myself. Yes I’m still depressed but I don’t have to feed into it. Some of us are blessed with depression and God knows I come from a gene pool that is swimming with it but I have people to talk to, a God to pray to, someone to hold me when I get down and a place to tell on myself. Just because you are depressed you have options once you realize it and get some help. God knows that I am not perfect, but I’m trying and that I know pleases Him and helps me. My prayer is still to give me the willingness to walk with grace through this process so that my successes will show others Your power to hold and heal if I truly have faith in your plan and do my absolute best to try and follow the instructions provided by those you put in my path to help me.
LESSON OF THE DAY – I can do all things through Christ who strengtheneth me. Philippians 4:13