You are going to get tired of hearing this but I am really struggling. I know that I have been done with treatment for 7 weeks and I’ll give in to the two weeks after treatment so we are at 5 weeks since treatment ended. You know me, I went and did some research (this is the place where you say “Crap why did he do that?”) and the average time for return to work for my cancer and treatment is 14.5 weeks after release. So in hard numbers that 5 weeks turns into 2 weeks and that puts me at April 23rd before I am statistically expected to be at a point where I feel good enough to return to work at a reduced rate. UGGGGGGG. It does explain some things, but does it make me feel any better? Not really but I will get through it, relying on God, one day at a time and with your help.
This all started, like I told you, Monday when I slept until my normal noon and called Carlene and she told me I was doing really well. So, after doing the meeting Monday night and doctors appointments Tuesday, I was going to meet Tina on Wednesday for lunch. With the most noble of intentions, I set my alarm for 9, and after 2 hits on the snooze button remembered Tina was going to call when she left St Augustine, so I turned off the alarm and dozed until she called about 10:15. Well, I immediately fell back to sleep and woke up at 11:15 – the time I was supposed to meet her. Much to my dismay, I called and canceled because I could not get up, rolled over, and went back to bed until 2:30. I finally got up, moved to the couch until Kat got home, ate dinner, soaked in the tub and was back in bed by 8:30. I was totally wiped out, I know the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over again expecting different results, but it has been 4 days since my birthday – come on I should be over that!
I am human, I need time to repair from chemicals and radiation that have been pumped into my body over a 6 week period. Cancer, lack of sleep, modified diet, loss of hair and beard, change of appetite and taste, having to treat a changing myriad of shifting ailments, loss of physical and mental stamina and yes this is normal, but I don’t have to like it. But I do have to accept it and live it with the dignity and grace I ask God to show me. And I can do that by remembering that you are out there rooting for me, that Kathy loves me and sees the “big picture” better than me, that Jan and my family are here for my help and most of all that God loves me and will take care of all my needs. I am human therefore imperfect and every emotion that I feel and situation I encounter is a part of this thing called life given to me by God. I must learn from my shortcomings and share my good fortune and from that comes contentment, acceptance and happiness.
LESSON OF THE DAY-
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
enjoying one moment at a time;
accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
that I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
forever in the next.