This morning I got up feeling like hell again and last night I went to sleep crying and praying. It was sometime after I ate that I went to the computer and there were words of encouragement from Bob, Bobbie and Tina. At that point I decided that I was way over this stage of my development and made the decision to suck it up and get better like I have done every day so far. So I called and got myself in for hydration with Dr Guthrie’s office and measured my drinking glasses so I knew exactly what I was up against for fluid intake daily. I haven’t had a problem so far with fluids but Kat mentioned that I looked down in my water intake so I measured out the minimum just to give me a goal. I have had some trouble eating the portions that I have over the past days so I will begin eating smaller more times a day until that returns. When I went down to see Kelly for my fix she told me that she usually schedules radiation patients for hydration every other day after their treatment ends, but mine came on an off week due to the holidays. She said that we see the effects of radiation for 2 weeks after the end of treatment and need the additional help. You can bet your ass I am scheduled for the next week and a half whether I need it or not! After I got home I treated my neck and hit the couch for the rest of the day and that is the way that it is going to be until I feel better.
Why is it so hard for us to stay out of the ditch? I have spent 6 weeks on the right course, well mostly, and when it comes to a rough spot I forget, faith, willingness, prayer and sharing and head for the depths of darkness and despair. It is such dark and ugly place that I have no business visiting by myself. Thank God I have been through this enough and the people close to me bring it up when they see it so I can refocus and redirect all the negative to things that I can do to make it better. Do I feel any better? Physically not really, but mentally it is night and day – the difference? Taking the action having a plan and sharing what is going on. So expect boring guys – I’m in the bed or on the couch until this phase passes, and if it is like anything else I have experienced so far, it will be over before we know it.
LESSON OF THE DAY – “Come to the edge, We can’t. We’re afraid, We can’t. We will fall. Come to the edge. And they came. And he pushed them and they flew”