Rest and healing was my objective today. Cocooned in my world, cautious of outside interference yet filled with desire for something new and different. The Clash – Should I Stay or Should I Go? comes to mind. Secure in routine yet remotely sad and yearning for change. I want to turn, I want to taste, I want to socialize and that is where the cautiousness wins. Sticking with what has worked has propelled me to a place where I am ahead of the game. Beat and battered, but trudging the road of recovery with my head held high. Change might bring nausea, weakness, blistered skin, but it could bring even more improvement. So I sit trying to weigh my options. And in the end I get what I need by setting aside wants and quietly listening and making decisions based on needs.
The day started alone in the bed about 9:30. Kat had quietly gotten up to go to a SOMMA meeting where she won 1st place with her challenge piece “Judgement Fish.” I was
reveling in that spot, having survived the many ups and downs of the night to pee and wet my throat to arrive at that place where I was able to sleep for 5 hours uninterrupted. It was luxurious. Upon arising, I had my normal breakfast of cheese grits and electrolyte water and set about doing a couple of tasks. Mostly picking up and filing but it was nice to get something accomplished. I made a couple of phone calls to some friends then took a shower to get started on the skin treatment. After icing and slathering I gave into to a nap and got up about 12:30. Lunch was a diversion, I decided to eat out on the covered patio to get some fresh air and to enjoy the beautiful day we had here today. A bowl of chicken rice soup and a dunked peanut butter sandwich supplied the calories. I sat outside and read after lunch until my sweet baby got home about 2. A short stroll to the mailbox and this afternoon was another skin treatment and a 3 hour nap. Waking up to finish another chapter in the adventures of Jack Reacher. Dinner….hmmmm I could just stick with soup and another peanut butter sandwich because nothing tastes like anything and it’s safe, passing the mouth feel test and there is no nausea or sliminess – safe. But I want something different so why not balsamic rice and butter – that should do it if it is not to dry and if it is I can add it to my chicken soup tomorrow – living on the edge! But is that enough calories? I know cottage cheese as dessert and that should do it. I am happy to report it worked rice, cottage cheese and watermelon. Tonight is on the couch watching Dateline and getting ready for my 8am treatment in the morning. Four more days until a break. Kat had been kinda quiet today moving from task to task, going to SOMMA, vacuuming the car, eating lunch, napping, carving, wood burning – dancing to her own drumbeat, singing her own song. Am I lonely or did I just spend too much time with myself today, listening to the nagging voice instead of the grateful one. I slept well, I had time to heal, there is food that I can eat that is palatable and nutritious. It was a beautiful day for sitting outside and enjoying the day and I was able to read and cross a couple of items off my to do list and Kathy let me alone to do what I needed to do with no pressure. Pretty freaking good day when I look at it that way – satisfied instead of funked I’ll take it and go to bed satisfied and healed tonight. One day closer, didn’t have to drink and I was cradled in the loving healing arms of God and the ones who love me. Life Is Good!
LESSON OF THE DAY – “Nothing is impossible to a willing heart.” John Heywood